Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
