i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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