Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
