The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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