did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
