I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
is wine microwaveable?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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