I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I have demons in me.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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