The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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