I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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