I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
