he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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