They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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