Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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