My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Randomize
