Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
