Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
