Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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