Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
