He had one of those small greek statue penises
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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