Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm bleeding and have questions
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
