I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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