told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
