i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
