I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
