So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
