i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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