I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
