Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
