I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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