Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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