I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
