So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
