I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
