You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
