Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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