Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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