i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
