so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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