Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
