Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
