god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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