check it out our google latitudes are spooning
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
