I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
