Jerry, you need to find god
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
