just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
