You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
