it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
