Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
