I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
