alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
