Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
