So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
