I wanna passion pit in your ass
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
